Joe Dunthorne writes:
Ah Clapham – it wouldn’t normally be a favourite destination but after last week’s rumour of football-related stabbings on the marshes, we’re glad to be in the land of the horrid red chino (Link: http://lookatmyfuckingredtrousers.blogspot.com/). There is, however, an Adam-shaped hole where a leader ought to be, and neither me, Max nor Mario look like making a coup d’etat anytime soon.
After much mumbling and shrugging, we pick a starting line-up, with Connor getting his first start in a while. The possibly pre-teen ref, who makes our youngsters look like veterans, lets us know he won’t abide any backchat.
Throughout the first half, we look like a good side – lots of tasty one-twos, good movement, creativity – but it almost never results in shots on target. Liam looks lonely up front. There’s that feeling, after half an hour of us dominating but with good chances squandered, that they’re probably going to put one past us. Sure enough, they cross the ball in from a free kick and something happens in the box – I have no idea what – and the young ref awards a penalty. Their oldest player, who was moments ago their goalkeeper, shows his maturity and slots it in. 1-0.
Still feeling confident, we continue to pass well but never quite get the breaks. Meanwhile they’re happily hoofing it through the middle and starting to look dangerous. It takes some desperate clearances from Dan and Joao and some fine goalkeeping to keep us in it. A lunging, last ditch tackle from Joe “longest-legs-in-the-league” Dunthorne (that’s what I call myself) blocks what looks like a probable goal.
At half-time the gap in leadership widens as nobody is willing to say who should be substituted. Ben, who’s knee is still playing up, comes off, and is replaced by Dan H.
We seem dozy at the start of the second half and Barking Mad immediately threaten. As we get frustrated with the unintuitive refereeing and our lack of a final ball, tempers fray. Max and Connor both get shirty. I get put in a headlock by their big man. We bring on Mario for Connor who, in a show of supreme team spirit, immediately goes home. Soon enough, a bit of slack marking
off a cross gives them a chance and they are two nil up, with fifteen minutes left to play.
It’s weird – they’ve never seemed like a team we should be losing to – and there’s still a sense that we could
come back from this. It takes a lovely pass from Joe Haley and terrific movement from Aaron before he gets our first goal. Liam runs and picks the ball out of the net for a quick restart. From this point on, Barking Mad start kicking the ball away at free kicks and chatting us up as a distraction technique. Still, we plough on, sending more men forward.
There’s a few gilt-edged chances that go begging and, with just a few seconds on the clock, everyone piles forward. A fantastic, curling cross in – possibly by Max? – puts their defence under pressure and, with everyone standing in the six-yard box like a rush-hour tube carriage, it’s a matter of shin-pinball before the ball appears at my feet as I stand pretty much on their goal line. Not the most challenging finish of my career but certainly one of the most satisfying. 2-2 and the last kick of the game.
There’s some talk of extra time – since it’s a cup game – but most of us agree to override the referee and call it a day. A draw feels like a win. Not our most emphatic performance but results like these go to show that we’ve made a habit out of not losing. Onwards!
Team: Aaron Gayle, Ben Chambers, Chris Chambers, Connor Joseph, Dan H, Dan Davis, Joe Grubb, Joe Dunthorne, Joao Spinola, Liam Greenaway, Mario Pisano, Max Bland, Tomas.